I am neither a psychologist nor a marriage counselor but I am happily married to the same woman for some time now and I have picked up some nuggets on my journey which can help you on your journey. I present to you my thoughts about arguing in a relationship:
- You never win: Even if it looks like you have won an argument, the truth is no one wins. You have only succeeded in breaking the heart of your partner
- You are on the way to winter (harsh) marriage when you argue: If there is any marriage that you will consider harsh, traumatic, undesirable, violent, etc., you can be sure the couples argue a lot.
- Arguing never works but it is sure to give you headaches
- It is funny how we think we can successfully change another human’s mind about anything by scolding them
- It is natural to feel the need to argue but trust me, it will never genuinely change the other person
- The sentence, “I am sorry” can save you a lot of heartaches
- Some times what you are arguing about is trivial: Apply the 10 10 10 rule. Simply ask yourself how you will feel about the issue in 10 minutes, 10 months, 10 years. That ought to give you some perspective.
- You need to be patient with each other: I strongly believe that your partner deserves a minimum of one year adjust to whatever change you require. Within the one year, groom, encourage and cut him/her some slack when he/she misses it.
- We just have to learn to correct each other in love: I am also working on this one. Our words have to be words that build the other person up. The difference between a coach and a critic is that a coach does not stop at what you are doing wrong, he also tells you how to improve.
- Always remember that you love your spouse and he/she is the most important person in your life: I do not know about you, but there was a time when Jane’s attention meant the world to me. You just have to keep in mind those days when you are very sure you want to be with him/her.
Do you think we can get to a point where we will always choose not to argue? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.